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Encountering denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles 50 years back, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with article pitches and countless pieces. During the recent 20 years, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I face a setback every few days—adding up to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining rant? Not at all. Since, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: At this point, almost everyone and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a publication turned down 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a project. One editor even asked that I send articles less often.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could they be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become any good.

So it went over many years.

Notable Precedents

Of course, I was in fine company. Stories of writers whose manuscripts was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the last step of setback. Acceptance. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an publisher may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or simply be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and scanned my submission too fast to recognize its value.

You can call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my grammar, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was 51, another, a personal story, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. My writings have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for five decades.

Still, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily take no at 73, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection incorrectly. So what insights have I acquired?

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